Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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