Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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