An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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