Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
