just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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