Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
and you fell through a lawn chair
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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