How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
