nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
