No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
