You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
