it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
