Jerry, you need to find god
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
