I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
