Who did Billy Mays play for?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
