I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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