i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
