So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
