I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
