I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
