I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
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Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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