Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
