Pappa wants mamma naked
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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