so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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