My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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