32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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