My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
