good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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