Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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