just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
