we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
