When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
