Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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