If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
