I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
