fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
