i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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