I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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