i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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