he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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