He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
