dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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