You just made me feel so damn special
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
