Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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