Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
