You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dignity is for republicans.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
