I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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