Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My life is pants optional.
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