I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
