Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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