Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Randomize
