You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
