Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Come see our sink grown plant.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
