We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
