I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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