Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
