did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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