She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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