At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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