there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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