there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You are a genius and a whore.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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